Need Your Advice...

Need your Advice...

So here's an update on my very first post ("Existential Aloneness").

Yup, everybody wants to be "connected", not the least of which is me.  In my first post, I referred to an email exchange with a friend about religion during which I became offended and lost my temper.  No, I mean REALLY, REALLY lost my temper.  In an uncharacteristic fit of rage, I sent a vile and vitreolic retort and vowed to end my friendship with him.  I even went so far as to include his generally innocent, bystander- wife in the ostracizing (guilty by association you know).  I was so mad that I had no problem hurling personal insults and ill wishes!  So here I am, touting my belief in respect and tolerance, and I go off like a roman candle when MY VALUES are not supported by somebody else!  I should practice what I preach, don't you think?  

Clearly, my values of respect and tolerance have limits, I just didn't know that before.  I generally don't care for militancy, but I fear I may be becoming a militant something.  I was about to write "militant atheist" but then I recalled that the values that got tripped weren't god-based, they were.... well.... respect... and humility based.  I guess what I am learning is that I feel that in order to respect others, you must be curious about them and have enough humility to allow yourself to listen to them and really hear them.  To "get to know them" on a very deep level.  Is it possible to respect someone (or someones) and NOT be curious about them?  I can't see how.  And reversing the question is just as difficult; does not being curious about someone mean you don't respect them?  I'm reminded of the tenets of "active listening".  According to Wikipedia:

"Active listening requires the listener to understand, interpret, and evaluate what they hear. The ability to listen actively can improve personal relationships through reducing conflicts, strengthening cooperation, and fostering understanding."

So I wonder; was I angry about his blatant disdain for other people's wisdom traditions because I saw this as a disrespectful thing to do backed up by a lack of humility, OR, was I plainly being disrespectful of HIS belief system?  Geesh!  This is tricky to pare apart!  This must be what parents feel when thier kids make "bad decisions".  So, do parents have the "right" to yell at their kids about bad values?  Do I have the "right" to yell at somebody else?  Maybe parents think it is their responsibility to take a stand?  Maybe I do too.  So how do parents live with kicking a kid out of the house when it gets too much?  How do people NOT go back and "give in", in order not to lose a connection to someone?  Why do I feel badly about losing a friendship if that person holds values that are repugnant to me?

Why?  Because people crave connection!  Thats why! Ok readers, so what do I do now?  Stick to my guns or cave?  Or is there something in between...  Need your advice.  What sayeth you?